"I'd like a large regular coffee with space for extra cream, please," said Wil."One Hefty with extra space," replied the teenager, "Would that be a latte?""No, a large regular coffee. And I don't want a 'Hefty'""But you just said —""I said large. I'm not going to fall victim to Mug O' Joe's corporate vernacular. I just want a large coffee."The teenage blinked, confused. This was beginning to go in the exact same direction it always went whenever Wil stood up for himself: namely, south."Hefty means big. So does Bulky. And so does Outsized. We've had this conversation before.""No we haven't. This is my first day.""Well, I've had it with all thirty-five of your predecessors. I'm not using your terminology because it doesn't make sense." Wil pointed at the overly indulgent chalk-drawn menu just to make it clear he and the teenager were discussing the same issue. "Just because someone in marketing happens to own a thesaurus, and just because your shareholders insist your drink sizes appear bigger than they are, and just because you are between liberal arts colleges and wish to bring your artists talents to bear on today's menu, it doesn't mean I have to join in. I would like a large regular coffee with space for extra cream. Please.""One Heft—""Don't say it.""One large coffee. Regular. What flavor?" The teenage was beginning to get the hang of this argument. He wasn't going to go down without a fight.
Curioddity by Paul Jenkins