29.3.15

Losing the will...

No, not entirely, but I have spent the past week wondering Why Me???

 We've been out on Spring Break since the 11th (yes, it's a nice, long break) and the first week was great. I got to spend time in my favorite city, saw some F/friends, and then WHAM. It hit. Three days of 100+ fever. Laryngitis. Cough. Sleepless nights due to cough. Fuzziheadedness due to lack of sleep.

My entire second week of Break, felled by flu.  Couldn't visit with friends.  Couldn't concentrate.

And now, tomorrow I face the reality that is work.  Back to dealing with students and projects and people.  Hoping that I'm healthy enough to make it through the day.  Hoping that I don't relapse.

And really being cranky that my break was truncated by this stupid cold.  It's almost enough to make me wish we hadn't had break at all.

Almost.

4.3.15

The fog lifts slowly

Aravis and CamPhilosophy Mom are back to blogging and, well, it's spurred me to attempt anew.  Unlike Aravis, there's been no major work stress preventing me from finding the time, but I suspect Philosophy Mom will recognize what I've been going through.  Late last year I read a book by Kathleen Norris, Acedia and Me, and while it didn't deliver in the way I'd hoped it would, I did recognize the symptoms: acedia.

It's not quite depression.  It's definitely not sloth.  There's a tinge of "why bother" and a whole lot of "who cares?"  And as for those wondering if SAD is a possibility, well, that wouldn't explain this starting in June.

Who knows why it started.  It just feels like the school year ended and a fog came down.  It stayed down during a wonderful vacation, visits from friends, some great culture culturing, many good books read (and some not-so-good books given up on) and other things happening that generally fall into the "life's not bad" category.  But it's real, and it's there.  The only thing that has consistently reached through that is cuddling with The Herd (in as much as The Herd allows for cuddling).

The thing is, there are things I've felt passionately about.  There are times when, as I drifted off to sleep or drove somewhere, I had something I wanted to share with my devoted readership.  But... obviously, it never happened.  Somewhere between thought and action, things got derailed.

I can't - or perhaps won't is the better word - promise to be or do or blog better in the future.  But I will try.  And right now, that's difficult enough.

Thanks for sticking with me, and for understanding.