J.J. Abrams owes me $10 and three hours of my life

(a rant with some possible spoilers)

A long time ago, in a SmallTown a couple of states away, my father insisted that I see this amazing (really!  A.Mazing!!) movie he'd seen.  He'd even see it again, just so that I could enjoy it.  Spoiler alert: I didn't.  But I went on to college and many of my friends wanted to see the sequels to this movie so I went along with them... less amazed, but whatevs (as those young'uns today say).

Then Thing One insisted I come see the New! Improved! versions.  Yawn.  Those light sabres didn't impress me the first time around and just because they glowed brighter this time out didn't mean I needed to spend money to see it. Finally, there were new movies, prequels to the original.  Poor Orphan Ani, all dark side and cranky with it.  More of my life gone.

Being a good Quew, it's only right to observe (Quakers don't celebrate, they observe - see? there goes Christmas... /bad joke) Christmas with a movie and Chinese food.  And apparently there was only one movie to see this year, the start of a New Trilogy.  But, you know, with old faces.  I wasn't thrilled but whatevs.  Tickets were bought, an hour of my life was wasted in the theatre watching poorly lit trivia questions, ads and trailers for tv shows and DVD releases.  Then, finally, lights down and...

One way I judge shows is by how long it takes for me to look at my watch.  Today? 14 minutes.

If you haven't seen the Force Awakens, you may want to stop reading.  But if you've seen Star Wars (the original; I refuse to call it "A New Hope" - no retronyms, thank you very much) you actually have seen this one.  It's more of an hommage to the original, with cameos by all the important players (including Darth's mask) than an actually new movie.  This did come with extra creepiness, as Han Solo makes googly eyes at a girl young enough to be (and I suspect will turn out to be) his daughter.  I mean, even the Death Star returned, a little bloated after a nearly 40 year absence but back.

The director of the next episode could offer me a piece of the action and I'd still stay away in droves.  Luckily for everyone involved, they'll still break box office records (but could someone please, please give me a tickets sold:tickets sold comparison, rather than $:$?  because I know I didn't pay this much to see the first one waaaay back in the 70s) without my paltry ticket missing.

YMMV.  I know my father's will.

No comments: