26.11.14

One of life's little moments...



Those of us who have followed Terry over the years know about his art gallery (I've even seen in, albeit years ago before several pieces were added to the Teachout Museum).  What an interesting tweet to read. And then came the follow up, when I sensibly asked what he was before - he responded that he was "The Great Pretender."

There's a lot of literature out there about the Imposter Syndrome, about how people don't feel as though they deserve their position, or the kudos, or whatever it is that makes them feel somehow unworthy of a title or fame.  Don't most of us feel that at one time or another? 

Come on... it's just us here... you can admit it. 

It's a feeling I often have, possibly coupled with those failed fantasies I have.  Somewhere, the "real" Lazygal is living that life, and it's always a shock when I have to remember I am the real Lazygal, that it's the only life going out there.  For me, at least.

But I take his larger point, which is that there is sometimes a moment, or an action, that somehow transcends what you've been doing and makes it more real, or more adult, or more authentic.  For him, it's hanging a painting by an artist.  It could just as easily have been when his first column was published... or his first book... or his first opera was performed. For others it could be the first time they present to a professional organization... or own their own house... or get an assistant.  Obviously it differs for each of us.

Recently I gave up my beloved Stuart, a manual car, to lease StuTwo (or StuToo?), an automatic.  There's Bluetooth and a rearview camera to assist with backing up.  You'd think I've been feeling like an adult for a while now, but for some reason these two features confirmed for me that I really was, in fact, an adult. 

We all have those moment, disconcerting as they may be.  Let's be thankful for them and pause to reflect on how they've created a turning point in our lives.

24.11.14

Failed fantasies

As the end of the calendar year approaches, and as the end of my age year approaches, I've been thinking about my fantasies and how sadly failed they are... maybe I can come up with better ones?

I have this fantasy friend. We get together every few weeks, drinking wine or tea, nibbling on something delicious, sitting in amazingly comfy chairs and we talk. About life, love - all those Big Things like our hopes, our fears. I'm pretty sure those friends exist, because I've seen them on tv and in the movies. But I don't have one of those friends.

I have this fantasy job, where I'm paid what I'm worth to do work that makes me feel great and sends me home at night feeling energized, not ennervated. My superiors appreciate what I'm doing and support my efforts, my colleagues are collaborative and eager to hear about new books and ideas. My job isn't bad, but it's not one of those jobs.

I have this fantasy body, one that's a few inches taller than my current height (current for the past 38 years! I was promised at least 3 more inches, and not the 3 inches the ads say will make my wife happier!) and slender and flexible and not starting to get old. Guess what? I don't have that body.

It's not that I hate my friends, my job or my body. It's that I have these fantasies... unfulfilled fantasies. Maybe I need to stop fantasizing?