9.10.08

We shall overcome

Can you recall the last time you held a grudge against someone? Perhaps it was a friend who betrayed you, a stranger who wronged you, a lover who left, or a parent who unintentionally hurt you. Perhaps this has happened recently and feelings of regret, resentment, and injustice are fresh enough that it still stings. What can we do to overcome these feelings and painful memories?
That overcoming, getting beyond toxic relationships and memories, can be difficult. Think Simple Now acknowledges the difficulties, and offers some tips towards getting past them.

I've been in "that place" for a few days now, thinking back to something someone said a few months ago. This person was angry and hurt about things, and to some extent this was my fault. But the depth of their anger and hurt was more about them than me, only we rarely take these things out on ourselves, do we? They said things that were, well, ugly. I took it, not because I'm the bigger person but because it seemed silly to get into a screaming match over something that would not change.

Still, those words have stuck with me, popping up at odd moments. I wondered if perhaps I could have done more, or different, in the situation. I wondered if others felt the same way about me as this person did. And I've resented this person for making me feel this way about myself and my choices.

Then a few days ago, someone else said something that completely negated what had been said. And yesterday, it happened again. Have I forgiven the first person? I don't know. I'd like to think so. My life feels less cluttered with the resentment gone.

1 comment:

camillofan said...

Does it count as a grudge if you still feel upset when you think about the incident, but you *very* seldom think about it? I have a couple that fall into this category. They don't affect my relationships with the individuals involved, at least not in any way that I can discern. But I may never forget them completely.

I wouldn't characterize myself as a grudge-holder (mostly because I prefer the immediate, fiery eruption to the slow burn), but maybe I'm not defining "grudge" as others do.