The other day, my cousin sent me this on Instagram:
Background: Despite being told by the Important University that no one should travel to come to graduation, my father was "invited" by his friend to attend her son's leaving law school this past week Since it was extremely close to where I live, I got to see him and he got to see my new apartment. We'd gone to lunch and had a nice walk and were sitting talking when he got up to go to the bathroom...
Dad: You don't use [brand of toilet paper] do you?
Me: No, we don't.
Dad: I like it. It's quilted. And Consumer Reports rates it highly.
Me: [Our brand] doesn't clog our pipes.
Dad: Oh, [other brand] is good about not doing that, too, according to Consumer Reports.
Me: I think ours has more sheets per roll.
Dad: Well, I wouldn't know about that.
Me: ...
Later, Thing One asked if he'd dreamt the conversation. I only wished I had.
Ask any teacher.
We're down to two weeks of classes, one Senior Week and a week of year-end meetings. One month, and it'll feel like forever.
I know my colleagues and I know that like me they haven't had a real break since Winter Break 2019/20. We've been revamping classes and learning new tech tools and spending hours and hours on Zoom and trying to provide our students with as normal an experience as possible during an incredibly abnormal time.
We didn't get Spring Break in 2020, because we were preparing for Life Under Lockdown. Summer 2020? I personally spent at least 5-6 hours/day doing professional development or working on the library's expanded digital collection or creating tutorials. Winter and Spring Breaks were spent getting ready for students doing research and helping them (and teachers) learn more about digital research tools. I'm exhausted.
Being the Lazygal I am, I've got a conference presentation to prepare, a day-long virtual workshop to attend and at least one virtual conference I'll be spending time watching. All in June. July, though?
I'm going to breathe. Deeply. And yes, I'm counting down the days. Only 1630 to go.
As readers know, I spent a number of years in the recent past taking some Very Serious Drugs. Of course those drugs had Very Serious Side Effects, like the occasional breathing issues and muscle loss. Fun, right?
I've been off one of those drugs (Prednisone) for three years, and the other (CellCept) for just over a year. But I'm still feeling the effects—when I walk at a normal speed wearing a mask, when I do a lot of work bent over (like cleaning low shelves, or packing), etc., it's sometimes difficult to breathe. Things that I used to be able to do easily take a little more effort. Apparently that might be the case for ever, or it might be that these drugs have a very long tail*. Sigh.
*I refuse to believe it's because I'm getting older. That couldn't possibly be it, right?
Over the years I've learned that the Things We All Know To Be True about cats ain't necessarily so, particularly when food is concerned. For example...
Each division at MPOW has a parent association that works relatively separately from the other two divisions' parents. Obviously, there is carry over as older and younger siblings go through the school, but each group arranges their own celebrations of both students and faculty. In February the Upper School parents throw a really incredible breakfast and luncheon for us, complete with a gift and raffle tickets. Later in the year, seniors have a raffle for various items to help raise money for Prom and their gift. Why mention this?
My first year, I won a Trader Joe's gift card.
My second year, nothing.
My third year, I won a dining gift card from a group of Very Fancy restaurants.
My fourth year, I won Celtics tickets.
My fifth year, I won a spa gift card.
This year, the parents raffle was held in May. This week, in fact. The Middle School librarian won a gift card. The Upper School librarian won a gift card. The Library Assistant won a card drawn during a "random recipient" drawing.
Me? Nothing. Everyone in my department won something except me. My assistant won something he hadn't even entered to win. That's how much they didn't want me to win anything this year.
Sniff.
I better win something next year. Or else.
When I was a much younger reader, reading books that were probably above my ken at that time, one of the tropes was the woman dying of consumption, reclining gracefully on her chaise longue, sipping laudanum. To my mind, that sounded so very romantic and glamourous, and I wanted to grow up to be just that way!
Here's the problem: as I later learned, this was all code for "dying of tuberculosis with an opium addition." No thanks.
Recently, the New York Time published an article about languishing (🔒) in which the author says
At first, I didn’t recognize the symptoms that we all had in common. Friends mentioned that they were having trouble concentrating. Colleagues reported that even with vaccines on the horizon, they weren’t excited about 2021. A family member was staying up late to watch “National Treasure” again even though she knows the movie by heart. And instead of bouncing out of bed at 6 a.m., I was lying there until 7, playing Words with Friends.
It wasn’t burnout — we still had energy. It wasn’t depression — we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing.
Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.
Yes. Exactly this. There are things on my Never Ending To Do List that have been there since December 2019. In part, I know that's because I lost all my vacation time since to working (or, more recently, Spring Break was spent moving and working). Summer Vacation is rapidly approaching. I have no intention of spending this as I did last summer, working virtually every day for at least five hours, trying to get things ready for next year. I have some professional development planned, but my major goal is to perhaps move past "languishing" to something closer to "flourishing" (the apparent opposite... although I don't think that's quite right, but I'm too exhausted to come up with the correct antonym).
I have one work-related task to accomplish in July. One. And as far as I'm concerned, that will be it. Everything else can wait until August.
Excuse me while I find a chaise longue to recline on, gracefully.
Yesterday I went in to work and because I had brought some boxes with me, I parked behind the library rather than in a regular parking space. To get where I parked, I took a small service-type road that led to a space near two dumpsters, in between three buildings. It's a service road used by a few faculty and anyone with deliveries to those buildings or emptying the dumpsters.
Teachers and students also use it to get from several other buildings to the main road, parking lots and two other buildings. They're on foot.
Got the picture? Cars/trucks going in and out, people on foot going in and out.
As I'm—slowly—making my way down this road, along comes a teacher. Engrossed in her phone. I stop the car. I wait. They never look up. When they're about 10 feet from the car, I finally honk. They, startled, look up. And then look annoyed that I was there, breaking their concentration.
Next time, I'll let them walk into my car. I could use a new hood ornament.
Moral: If you're on a paved road-like surface that is occasionally used by motor vehicles, pay attention.
Have I mentioned I moved? There's still one (or maybe two) installments from that series to come, but this post is less about that and more about the times in which we live.
MPOW closed in mid-March, following state guidelines. Things have been closed here to varying degrees since then, slowly opening up and sometimes backtracking on that. Work has been mostly remote for over a year, with the department rotating time in the building with time at home. And I confess, I've let things go.
As have many people in my situation, I've taken to wearing my pj's 95% of the time. Yes, even when working remote. Before you start fantasizing, know that my pjs come in two flavors: summer (old undershirts of Thing One's and shorts) and winter (sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirts). Very sexy, no? And from there... well, it's a short jump to not shaving my legs, bleaching/plucking errant hair on my face, getting mani/pedis.
Two weeks ago I got my second shot (Pfizer, if anyone cares—minimal reaction). And a restaurant nearby reopened for dining in. And was offering 50% off to people from my building. So Thing One and I decided, why not? We both had our shots, they were being careful with capacity, etc.. It felt like a return to something resembling normal.
I put on real clothes for the first time in a few weeks. We walked the few blocks to the restaurant and had a lovely dinner. We walked back. Normal.
However, I haven't taken care of the "personal grooming" items yet. And now the big question for me is: how ready am I really to go out in public?
I'll post a photo of my newly painted toes when I am.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin...
Literally a minute after I ended our department meeting, I closed my laptop and felt a rush of heat/wooze go up my body... and then my heart started pounding like I'd had a pot of espresso... I went to the couch, sipped some water... didn't feel better... went into my bedroom and rested... no better... after 30min Thing One and I decided to call 911.
Within minutes there were three ambulances on our tiny street: mine, one for the lady who fell in our street and one for the assisted living place next door. It got confusing.
My heart was 204bpm, elevated bp, but everything else was ok. They gave me an IV of something that really hurt for a few seconds and then my heart went to 80, then 70... but we still went to the ER... more tests and they released me. Apparently I had what was known as SVT, common and relatively easily fixed. If this happens again, I have two things I can try before calling 911.
However, the EMTs did worry about my temp: 98.1 at the start, 97.6 in the ambulance and 96.8 when we got to the hospital. I told them it was normal for me! I was also aware that we were a COVID hot spot, and these EMTs were spending most of their time transporting patients with a disease that could put the EMTs families at risk. That they managed to be so cheerful and patient with me was truly (to me) amazing.
Here we are, a year later, and I haven't had a repeat (the cardiologist said it might be "one of those inexplicable things",,, to be honest, I'm getting just a little tired of that being the constant refrain regarding my health!). Knock wood I never will.
