7.12.12

I know I'm not a failure but...

We all have days, weeks, moments where we feel like a complete loser.  It may be when we lost a job, broke up with the love of our lives, failed the big test - one of those moments where we could have (should have) done better and just, well, failed to.  They're never easy and take time to recover from, with the pain and angst slowly receding as life moves on.

And then, suddenly, it's ok again. Until, of course, something or someone reminds you of that failure.  It can be running into a former colleague who asks what happened to you at work, or someone mentioning your former supposed soul mate.  Or it can be an anniversary.  

Today is one of those days for me.  Yes, it's Pearl Harbor Day.  And it's the anniversary of a Huge Personal Failure.  If the HPF had happened some other, random day, it might not feel quite so bad and I might be farther along the path to healing than I am.  It's been seven years, after all, and in most respects I'm in a good place in my life.  "Comfortable in my skin" as the French would say (well, ok, they'd say bien dans ma peau).  And there are other HPF's that have happened but those were on random days that don't have hoopla or ceremony attached.  

So today, while others are remembering the events of 71 years ago (and I have a friend who was there, in Hawaii, near the naval base, back then) I'm remembering my HPF and repeating "I'm not a failure... I'm not a failure... I'm not a failure".  And tomorrow, I'll be ok.

3 comments:

Jandy said...

Yep, we all go through that feeling. You're right, you're not a failure.

Aravis said...

I'm so sorry I wasn't around for you on this day. Like Jandy said, you're not a failure. I admire you so much, and suspect I always will. After all, what's not to like? ;0)

Lazygal said...

Thanks, Aravis. It was just that one day... I'll tell you about it some time soon.