26.2.11

A Hard Habit to Break

As part of my decluttering (the mental part, not the physical part, which is woefully behind schedule), I've been thinking about relationships that work... sort of. We all have those friends and colleagues with whom we get along... most of the time. Actually, it's not so much a not getting along as it is there's something that just rubs us the wrong way and that we try to avoid.

It could be that every so often they get into a serious bout of ohwoeismeism, and every conversation is about how the world (or a previous romantic partner, or a boss, or their cat) has wronged them. It could be that they're hopelessly scattered and when you have to work on a project with them it's incredibly aggravating. It could be that they think you're better friends then you really are, and that clinging is just too much to take all the time. There are other variations on the theme. You get the picture.

The question is, how do you deal with these people? Particularly if they aren't "that way" all the time - just enough of the time that you're wary.

I've found that the way I deal with this is by avoiding. I get an e-mail and it takes a few days before I respond. I get a phone call and use Caller ID to screen. I see them and I'm too busy to stop to talk, but I'll offer a time when I know they have another commitment. Etc..

Recently I've been doing this with three people in my life, and it's wearing me down. I have other things I should be doing and other things I can focus on, yet the act of avoiding means I do focus on them (or the thing I'm avoiding them about). Not terribly helpful, right? So clearly I need to break this habit and find another way.

Ideas?

18.2.11

Just wondering...

A few weeks ago I was purchasing food for The Boys and saw a sign stating that most canned cat food contained grain, which could be an irritant for cats. I've mentioned Bogie's overzealous licking before, and while the humidifier seems to help he still does it - especially in the winter months.

I though it'd be interesting to try an experiment and get grain-free canned food for a week or so and see what happens. Result! Humidifier + grain free canned food = happy Bogie. The brands I'm now getting have interesting flavors, with names like "Hawaiian Luau" or "California Roll". And there's pheasant and rabbit to add to their meal choices.

So, here's my question. Where are the mouse and pigeon flavored food? Because given the cats I know (Thing Two is a firm believer in outdoor cats), that's the stuff they eat out in the wild. Not lamb and ahi tuna.

Anyone?

14.2.11

Oops!

I blogged too soon:

Happy Whatever Day

After nearly 23 years, I've come to not expect much on Feb. 14 from Thing One, who has a lifelong antipathy to That Day (and if you know Thing One's name, you'll understand why). Thing Two didn't even call on my birthday.

An increasingly long number of years ago I worked with a woman whose husband would send her flowers because it was Wednesday. Or take her out to dinner to celebrate a rainy Thursday. See where I'm going with this? If you really care about someone, you'll find silly ways to show it. Cards, candy, sexy lingerie, expensive dinners, etc. don't say "I love you" if they only arrive on one, Hallmark approved day.

Even further back in my history, I remember being told that I had to make cards for everyone in my class. So I had to tell a whole bunch of people that I loved them, ask them to be mine, etc.. when honestly, they barely knew me and I barely knew them. That's the rule at my Middle School now, and I guess it's been the rule since before I was in middle school. In my public school days, post-6th grade, there were carnation or candygram sales and it was quite the competition to get more, or get one from the Hot Guy (girls never sent, unless they were in a solid relationship). Of course, this opened up the field to the "joke send", with the hot (but cruel) guy sending something to the least-prepossessing girl in the school. Very funny, right? So glad I left that school.

One school in Mobile Alabama is trying to have a No Swearing Day today. Power to 'em. What about a Random Acts of Kindness Day (or week? or month?). Why one day in which you tell someone that you like/love them? Let's take a page from my former colleague's husband's book and celebrate those we love at unexpected times. Or, if you must, here are some suggestions from Susan Pivar:
  • Write a note about why you love a particular book and how you hope it will benefit the person who buys it, go to a bookstore, sneak note into book, leave.
  • Log on to 3 blogs you read frequently and leave a comment expressing your love for the writer or the subject. Go into detail without being weird.
  • Write an anonymous note appreciating your barista; leave it for him/her without creeping him/her out.
  • Make five $10 donations (or ten $500 donations, whatever you can afford) to charities that combat illnesses effecting people you know. Do it anonymously.
  • Give something to every homeless person you see, whether it’s fifty cents, twenty dollars, a bagel with cream cheese, or simply your unspoken good wishes, heart to heart.
  • Tell someone you work with that you think they’re doing a great job, whether or not you work together directly. Mean it. (Only say it if it’s true.)
  • Find the address of the creator of your favorite song, painting, poem, or other work of art. Write a letter to the artist (or their estate, agency, or other representative) expressing exactly what this piece of work has meant to you. Mail it.
Happy Whatever Day to all of you. I'll ask you to be mine some other time.

5.2.11

A Very Important Day

Big things happening today - in England, it's Save Libraries Day. Philip Pullman has gotten in on the action, as has Neil Gaiman.

And let's not forget today is World Nutella Day. Grab a jar and some bread (or an apple, or just the jar). Yum!